Script Ideas for Building Better Relationships

From the Good Grief Vault 

You know how Taylor Swift has A Vault? Well, so do I. I am resharing content I wrote years ago that got me through some of my major grief moments. I call it content from the depths of hell. Jk, I just call it the Good Grief Vault.

Introduction

Hello and welcome to this episode of "I Need Better Friends, But Don't Know How to Get Them." I'm your host, Paris, and today, we’re diving into phrases you can use to ask the people in your life to show up better so that you feel supported.

From my experience, figuring out the best phrasing ahead of time helps me avoid people-pleasing and allows me to ask for what I truly need—so I don’t feel alone.

Disclaimer:

This is not an all-inclusive guide. It does not replace mental health counseling, therapy, or coaching. It is not meant to suggest that:

• These phrases will fix relationships or prevent triggering the other person.

• You should remain in a toxic, physically, or emotionally abusive relationship.

• It is your responsibility to teach someone how to be emotionally supportive.

• You are obligated to guide others through their healing journey.

Your only job is to show up as your most authentic self.

When You Need Someone to Show Up Differently

General Formula:

✅ Acknowledge the behavior that isn’t helpful (with compassion).

✅ Clearly state your needs.

✅ Provide an example of when they have met those needs in the past.

Script Ideas:

• "In the past, it’s been helpful when you ask me to share what’s on my mind. That simple phrase makes me feel important to you."

• "I appreciate when you validate my emotions instead of trying to fix me. Validation makes me feel heard and valued."

• "Could I share what’s in my head and heart right now? If now isn’t a good time, could we set a time to check in? I’d love your listening ear when you have the capacity."

On Emotional Dumping vs. Healthy Venting

• Consider asking: “Hey, do you have the mental space for me to share something heavy?”

• Emotional support should be balanced, not one-sided.

Real-Life Example:

"It may feel like it’s helpful to offer perspective on trauma you’ve faced, but when it’s phrased as a comparison, it actually hurts more than it helps. What is truly helpful is empathy—knowing I’m not alone in this journey."

When You Want to Build Connection & Community from Scratch

General Formula:

✅ Put yourself out there.

✅ Share your interests without a call to action (this alone attracts people naturally).

✅ Be open to connection in creative ways.

Conversation Starters Using Shared Interests:

• "I saw on Insta that you were at [location]! I go there all the time. Would you ever want to meet up? I’ve been dying to try their [menu item]."

• "I just started learning how to make homemade butter. Looking for gluten lovers to taste test!"

Sharing What You’re Into:

• "Went to the Pride Parade this weekend! Anyone going to the next one?"

• "Binge-watched New Girl last week. Now taking applications for my Schmidt."

Skip Small Talk—Ask a Deep Question Instead:

• "If you didn’t need income, how would you spend your days?"

• "What’s your favorite kind of day?"

• "If you could start a foundation for social good, what would you build?"

• "Anyone want to hear an embarrassing story?" (This always wins! People love to laugh and feel less alone in their awkward moments.)

When You Need Support & Feel Alone

General Formula:

✅ Acknowledge how you’re feeling.

✅ Decide if you want lighthearted fun or deep emotional support.

✅ Ask if the person has the capacity for that kind of conversation.

Ways to Reach Out for Support:

• "Spending time with you makes my heart happy. Let me know when you’re free!"

• "It’s been a tough week. Fresh air would be nice—want to go on a walk?"

• "I’d love a listening ear. Do you have the mental space for a phone date?"

• "Life has been stressful lately. Would you want to watch the High School Musical trilogy with me?"

• "Yo, I’m wicked sad. Can you come over? Bring milkshakes."

When You’re the One Everyone Comes to for Support (But You Need Space)

General Formula:

✅ Validate their feelings.

✅ Be honest about your own capacity.

✅ Set a loving boundary.

Ways to Set Boundaries While Showing Care:

• "I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m in a rut and don’t have the mental capacity to support you right now. Please know I love you."

• "I feel for you, but my plate is full at the moment. Can we talk another time?"

• "I’m honored you reached out, but I don’t have enough mental space to support you right now. I’ll hold good intentions for you!"

• "You deserve to feel better, and I want you to have a safe space to talk. Have you looked into therapy or coaching?"

• "I sense that you just want to vent. I love you, but I think you need professional support for this."

Final Thoughts

Building and maintaining healthy relationships takes practice, but you are never responsible for carrying an entire relationship on your shoulders. Your only job is to show up authentically, set boundaries when needed, and seek friendships that reciprocate the energy you give.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed on this blog are my own and do not reflect the views, policies, or positions of my employer or any affiliated organizations. All content is based on my personal research, analysis, and perspectives. Readers are encouraged to conduct their own research and form their own conclusions.